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Growing up in Khulna, Bangladesh, I faced a lot of abuse and violence. Until I made friends. Below is my journal of growing up trans.

It took less than one hour for an evacuation order from the Israeli army to turn me from a reporter communicating the news into the news itself—a displaced woman with nowhere to go.

In the conflict zones of the Middle East, in places like Lebanon, Syria, and Palestine, the dreams of women and girls are reduced to mere quests for survival and escape from the bombing. No room for dreams to build and live a simple life. War turns the lives of millions of girls into an endless nightmare.

Every time I think I’ve made it through, even a little, war takes me back to square one and all the memories rush back at once. As a Syrian refugee in Lebanon, I am caught in a vicious circle of death, violence, and attempts at survival. Yes, war is cruel, but being a woman through ongoing wars and conflict makes the situation even crueller.

At MARA, we aim to provide a platform for groups and individuals from diverse backgrounds to address the systemic barriers to abortion rights and access in the Mediterranean. We hold that abortion is essential healthcare and a fundamental human right.

“You have to give up white bread, ma’am,” a nutritionist said to me as she added her final notes to the diet I’m supposed to follow to drop the five kilograms that have piled up around my stomach and hips as inevitable punishment.

All of the battles I fought led me to serious self-reflection. When I delved into the heart of these issues, I figured out that my past self was always aiming to please others, even at my own expense. The society we live in imposes certain beauty and body standards on women, and if we stray from these standards, we have to endure looks, insults, and unsolicited advice…

As residents of cities that are relatively calmer by virtue of the rules of engagement and our geographical locations far from the battlefields, are we really still living, are we really surviving? Is this what security looks like? When the numbers of dead, injured, and displaced reach this red line indicating the loss of humanity, the loss of a voice, and an impotence that is regional, international, and individual, spectators become condemned to daily death.

What do you do when you find yourself immersed in a world that has already set rigid expectations for you and is forcing you to be a crowd follower with total disregard for your personal beliefs? Do you revolt against a suffocating system that blocks you from being your authentic self or do you just conform and sit still, taking it in silence?

What you brush off as “sulking” we see as lost rights, and the exaggeration you accuse us of is just a description of reality. No one knows the full extent of what every woman on this planet goes through.