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Ten years after launching their hit blog Mammadimerda, comedians and feminist activists Sarah Malnerich and Francesca Fiore are touring Italy with a new project dedicated to women who, like them, are no longer striving for perfection. The very name of the event, Non farcela party (Don’t make a party out of it), refers to one of the pillars of their life philosophy, “shit-ism,” which celebrates the feeling of inadequacy in our lives by recounting, with irreverent irony, the many failures of motherhood. “Mammadimerda began as a personal blog and then evolved into a cultural project that has spawned plays, three books, and a whole series of other events, including corporate events, on gender equality and parental equality,” they explain to Medfeminiswiya.
A cathartic collective ritual
The Non farcela party is one such event. Born out of a personal need—both women being “women who have always had their own lives and who, in the middle of those lives, chose to become mothers”—this event is as lively and joyful as an evening among friends, but also as powerful as a collective cathartic ritual. “We wanted to reclaim spaces of pure entertainment for ourselves too, spaces that didn’t exist until now,” they explain. “In Italy, nightlife is generally geared toward age groups different from ours: parties start very late, at times that don’t fit with the lifestyle we lead and our physical capabilities, because, let’s face it, we’re no longer able to keep up, and it takes us longer to recover, but we didn’t want to give up having fun entirely. So we created an event tailored to ourselves, with hours that work for us, the music we love, references to a world we identify with, and, above all, a safe, non-judgmental space free from the male gaze which makes us feel like prey on constant alert.”
“[…] we didn’t want to give up having fun entirely. So we created an event tailored to ourselves, with hours that work for us, the music we love, references to a world we identify with, and, above all, a safe, non-judgmental space free from the male gaze which makes us feel like prey on constant alert.”
But the Non Farcela party isn’t just for mothers, they’re quick to point out, and is attracting more and more young women who are thrilled to be able to have fun with their friends and enjoy an extra drink without fearing that something bad might happen to them. “We’ve noticed their presence because the songs on the playlist are selected by the participants, and musicians popular with the younger generations are also starting to make the list.” The evening starts early and ends at 11:30 PM; to get there, there’s a convenient carpooling system organized via WhatsApp, and there’s no dress code. “Just come as you are,” suggest Malnerich and Fiore. “We might even wear our pajamas straight away to save time!”
Reclaiming the right to have fun
Indeed, their gatherings give women back a sense of space—that of the night, which is generally perceived as dangerous—and that was exactly what they needed. “As soon as I found out I was pregnant, almost seven years ago, my life went into standby mode,” Daniela, 45, mother of a six-year-old girl, tells Medfeminiswiya. “No more dinners with friends, no more concerts or nights out at clubs: motherhood coincided with a period of semi-lockdown, caught between all kinds of family responsibilities and feelings of guilt that tormented me even when I was just going to the osteopath.”
It was a friend from university who invited her to the Non farcela party last October at Monk, a historic venue in Rome. “She, too, is a mother overwhelmed by family life, and it had been years since we’d even managed to get together just the two of us for pizza. At first, I was pretty reluctant: I tend to get lazy and I don’t like going out after dark. But it turned out to be one of the most liberating nights of my life. We sang karaoke, danced, laughed, cried, and connected with complete strangers, all driven by a shared desire to have fun without thinking about anything, at least for a little while.”
The event was also a huge success in many other Italian cities, with attendance peaking at 1,400 participants, and new dates are already planned for the summer and winter. “If it comes back to Rome, I’ll definitely go, and I’ll bring other friends and coworkers along,” Daniela concludes.
A rapidly growing community
But beyond the numbers, surprising as they may be, it is perhaps the feedback from the participants that is the most moving aspect. “At our events, women take the stage, let loose completely, and come off exhausted: they’ve lost their voices from singing at the top of their lungs, their ligaments ache, and their pelvic floors are put to the test. It’s a truly cathartic moment,” the organizers say enthusiastically. “Many become aware of the conditions under which we usually live—that is, in a space steeped in rules that aren’t made for us, in codes of conduct and discipline. A few weeks ago, a young woman, after taking the stage to dance two or three times, becoming increasingly uninhibited, came up to us and said: ‘All my life, I thought I had problems with people. Tonight, I realized I had problems with the male gaze.’”
Although it wasn’t launched with a political agenda, the activists emphasize, this initiative has sparked fierce reactions from men who attack them on social media.
“Most of them aren’t really used to going out at night: we’re giving them all an excuse to rediscover moments of pleasure that they’ve put aside for far too long to devote themselves solely to raising their children. We know very well that when we become mothers, even going to work makes us feel guilty, but we desperately need to have fun because we haven’t stopped being whole people and we certainly can’t sacrifice everything for someone else’s well-being—even if it’s our children’s. In short, if we’re going to be tired, let it at least be from singing and dancing!” they continue.
Although it wasn’t launched with a political agenda, the activists emphasize, this initiative has sparked fierce reactions from men who attack them on social media. “This only confirms that we’re heading in the right direction,” they comment. “Because if this seems strange to you, or if you believe that women should ask your permission to go out and have fun, and if, to put them in their place, you try to belittle and disparage them, you’re exercising a form of control. There are also those who look at us with a certain snobbery, thus demonstrating that they haven’t understood a thing about what we’re doing, but that’s okay. We like to think of feminism as a relay race, in which each person makes their own contribution. Here’s ours.”
